What role will you play in your child's future?

1. Are home pregnancy tests reliable? How can we find out if my girlfriend is really pregnant?
    

   Home tests are generally accurate, but it is best to see a professional to find out for sure. LifeChoices Medical Clinic has nurses on site who can verify a positive pregnancy test. It is also important to get into medical care as soon as you find out you are pregnant. LifeChoices can help you find a doctor that fits your needs. If your girlfriend would like to make an appointment to come in for a pregnancy test, please call LifeChoices at 417-624-8030 or toll free at 1-800-638-1023.

2. My girlfriend is pregnant and won’t discuss her plans. How can I get her to include me?
    

   Your girlfriend may exclude you from her decision because she feels hurt and angry. You may need to reassure her that you care about her and the baby. If you are sensitive to her needs, she will be more likely to involve you in future plans. There are adoption counselors who would be glad to help the both of you make a plan for your baby together.

3. Just because my girlfriend and I stopped seeing each other doesn’t mean I don’t care about my baby. She says if I want the baby, she comes along too. How do I handle this?
    

   An adoption counselor can help you work together and make a plan that takes care of the baby, even if the two of you can’t agree on anything else. The more communication there is between you, the fewer complications there will be in your child’s life.

4. How can in convince my girlfriend not to get an abortion? The baby is my flesh and blood, too!
    

   You are wise to be concerned about abortion. A woman usually makes the difficult decision to have an abortion because she is afraid to face the pregnancy or to raise the child alone, especially if she doesn’t feel supported by her family or you. Abortion may seem to be a quick, painless way of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. However, abortions can leave long-lasting emotional scars, as well as possible physical problems. Abortion ends the life of an unborn child and you and your girlfriend may experience feelings of grief, loss, and guilt. As the baby’s father, you may to have legal means of interfering with an abortion, but you can encourage your girlfriend to talk with a counselor about ALL her options. LifeChoices has many caring people on staff who would love to talk with both you and your girlfriend about all of your pregnancy options.

5. I want to be involved with my child, but I’m not ready to parent. What are my choices?
    

   It is very painful to realize you are not ready to parent at this time. Marriage is an option; however, you must evaluate whether you would have married if the baby had not been conceived. If the baby’s mother decides to parent and has custody, and you are the legal father, you can request visitation so you can be involved in your child’s life. You and the child’s mother may also consider adoption and together make a plan for your baby’s future.

6. Will I get to see my child if he or she is adopted?
    

   You may be able to make arrangements to visit your baby before the adoption. Both you and the birthmother may want to spend time with your child. In an open adoption, you can meet the adoptive family, write a letter to your child explaining your thoughts and feelings, and give a gift to your child. You can request that photographs of your child be sent to you. The degree of openness in the adoption plan depends on your wishes and the laws in your state. The adoption plan is agreed upon in advance by the birthparents and adoptive parents. Your adoption counselor will discuss your options with you.

7. Will my child know anything about me?
    

   If you choose adoption, your adoption agency will ask for a complete medical and social history of you and your family. It is very important that your child knows as much about you as possible. Your future involvement with your child may be affected by the typed of adoption plan chosen. It is strongly suggested that you tell your child about yourself—in a note, photograph, or audio or video tape. Your story is a great gift to your child.

8. If adopted, won’t my child wonder if I ever loved him or her?
    

   Your child may have questions similar to this. That is why it is important to communicate your love through a personal letter, explaining that planning an adoption was a painful decision for you—a real sacrifice. Every child need to feel wanted and loved from the beginning. When you know you are not ready to parent, choosing adoption means caring enough to give your child every opportunity possible.

9. What legal responsibilities will I have if my girlfriend decides to parent? What rights will I have?
    

   In most states, if your girlfriend chooses parenting, you will be required to pay child support until the child is 18 years old. Consult with an attorney or your county Friend of the Court office to learn specific details about your rights and responsibilities, filing for paternity, and other legal issues.

Remember... you are an important part of this pregnancy and need to participate in the counseling and decision making.

For more information on an adoption agency service provider, visit http://www.bethany.org/. Portions of this page were taken from one of their pamphlets.